Feeling literary

Something beautiful I read today:

"The most incredible thing about goldfish, however, is their memory. Everyone pities them for only remembering their last three seconds, but in fact, to be so forcibly tied to the present -- it's a gift. They are free. No moping over missteps, slip-ups, faux pas or disturbing childhoods. No inner demons. Their closets are light filled and skeleton free. And what could be more exhilarating than seeing the world for the very first time, in all of its beauty, almost thirty thousand times a day? How glorious to know that your Golden Age wasn't forty years ago when you still had all your hair, but only three seconds ago, and thus, very possibly it's still going on, this very moment." -- from Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl

Plus:

“Sartaj was thinking about how uncanny an animal this life was, that you had to seize it and let go of it at the same time, that you had to enjoy but also plan, live every minute and die every moment.” -- from Sacred Games by Vikram Chandra (which I read via The Happiness Project, which is SUCH a great site.)

Also:

(also found on The Happiness Project)

Listening: Imbris, "Just a Tree"

It's all going on without you

Because I can't think of anything more beautiful than watching her grow:

Madeleine, lately, is this endless well of unbridled energy and extremes, full of questions, answers and demands. I see her soaking up everything with her curious eyes, can see things shifting and clicking in and out of place there, and it is, frankly, a little terrifying. She's moving so fast and I feel like I'm spinning in place and I can't keep up.

I sense her core, still developing, slipping out of my grasp, even while I frantically reach for it, understanding that there are so many lessons to learn and aware that I can never teach them all. Then the core is back and everything is solid again. I feel sure of the things I can show her, and unafraid of what I can't.

And then it changes again.

My sweet girl, I love watching you grow. But you're doing it so fast, and pulling me along for the ride. I'm doing all I can to hold on, and all I can to let go.

Listening: Vertigo Smyth, "Breathless"

Beckoning of Lovely

My something beautiful for today:

(via Mighty Girl)

Listening: To that song in the video, which is the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind theme, which I love, love, love.

To take a bite out of something

Something beautiful I experienced today:

Rain falling in heavy sheets, dandelions wilting to the ground, white in the gloom. Storm sounds echoing in the fireplace.

Also:

Floater
by Debra Nystrom
-to Dan

Maddening shadow across your line of vision-
what might be there, then isn't, making it

hard to be on the lookout, concentrate, even
hear-well, enough of the story I've

given you, at least-you've had your fill, never
asked for this, though you were the one

to put a hand out, catch hold, not about to let me
vanish the way of the two you lost already

to grief's lure. I'm here; close your eyes,
listen to our daughter practicing, going over and over

the Bach, getting the mordents right, to make the lovely
Invention definite. What does mordent mean,

her piano teacher asked-I was waiting in the kitchen
and overheard-I don't know, something about dying?

No; morire means to die, mordere means to take
a bite out of something-good mistake, she said.

Not to die, to take a bite-what you asked
of me-and then pleasure

in the taking. Close your eyes now,
listen. No one is leaving.

Listening: The Graze, "Maudlin"

Thunder shudders shaking branches

Something beautiful I experienced today:

I took the girls outside to play in the rain puddles, to look for bugs, to traipse the little rivers of rain running along curbs in our neighborhood. We walked along the curb in front of our house; I held Violet's hand while Mad ran ahead, kicking up the water, arms outstretched beside her. Suddenly she let out a tremendous screech of elation, "MAMA!" She turned to face me and ran as fast as she could. "MAMA, I FOUND A SNAAAKE! I GRABBED IT!" Her face was an utter paroxysm of joy.

It turns out, it was a little pink worm. "That's really cool, Mad," I told her. "It's a little pink worm, though, not a snake. They live in the ground and like to come out when it rains."

She stared at it seriously for a moment. "That is a worm snake," she said decisively. "I found a cool worm snake, Mama!"

Listening: Pictures and Sound, "It's You"

Spill your thoughts on the floor

Something beautiful from Friday:

Drummers who sing lead on songs. Sparkly orange drum sets. Bare feet on stage, plastic pink flip flops discarded near the microphone stand. Crazy-eyed lead singers who become the song they're singing, completely animated. Her side ponytail.

Plus:

The quote my friend sent about how whoever you want your child to become, you have to become yourself. After the Thao show on Friday, I have to figure out how to become Thao. I think it's going to be tough.

Then:

My husband took a "creative" route home and we drove through a ragged area outside of the stockyards. Row after row of abandoned buildings, dark, eerie lights shining from some of them. Grafitti on the walls.

Also:

Being up past midnight.

Listening: Thao with The Get Down Stay Down, "Bag of Hammers"

It's tough....so tough

The last few days I've felt like I've been walking around with dark, scratchy clouds floating above my head. You know? Picture an imaginary cord in your brain that can plug into the world around you. Now picture that cord all tangled up on itself, all useless and wasted. That's been me. Life! You are on notice. Get better.

Something beautiful:

At the grocery store this evening, smack-dab in the middle of suburbia, Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" comes on the loudspeakers. Woah Woah Woah Wuh-Wuh-Woah Woah Woah Tommy used to work on the docks....There are three people in line in front of me and the cashier is singing along under her breath and laughing intermittently. She's dancing a little as she rings purchases. I realize when I am checking out that the cashier is laughing at the customer service woman who has come out from behind the customer service desk to dance and lip sync to the song.

Listening: Bon Jovi, "Livin' on a Prayer"