I picture an electric cord, frayed at the end, little pieces of wire sticking out in all directions, searching for a connection. Every day I am puzzling over the pieces, trying to figure out how to fuse it all back together, or maybe cut some out altogether, or find someone who can help me put it together, a professional maybe. Feeling more and more that I need to just pitch the whole cord into the trash and buy a new one. Start all over.
But how do you start all over when you have a thousand other things that need power in the meantime?
My job is not connecting.
My extended family is not connecting.
My childcare situation is not connecting.
My health is not connecting.
My finances are not connecting.
My passions are not connecting.
My husband's job is not connecting.
My husband's health is not connecting.
My faith that things will get better is not connecting.
I am trying to maintain a positive attitude, to recognize that sometimes life is HARD, with all the whiny angst a cliche like that implies, and that living is equal parts staying the course while trying to figure out a better course in the meantime.
Right now, it's too much. I'm staying the course as best I can but it's all I can do, really. To keep going because I don't have a choice. In that, there's just no room to find a better course. I'm spinning my wheels, flailing. I don't know what to do but duck my head down and keep trying. To realize that sometimes trying will only lead to failure. And sometimes successes. I hope I can create a little magic soon, and I hope it's enough to sustain me when it seems like everything else is a giant fail.
Life, throw me a bone here. I appear to be stuck.
Something funny:
http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347
Okay, okay. Here is something beautiful:
Thank goodness for my beautiful girls.
Listening: Delta Spirit, "People C'mon"
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